Holiday Rum-inations

I have a definite lack of rum in my eggnog. It's a problem.

In less than 2 hours I leave for the airport to fly down to Burbank to meet my lovely bride for Christmas Eve. We'll be attending midnight church service tonight, and then figuring out our driving plans for tomorrow. Traffic SHOULD be light on Christmas day, one would think. I think we'll make the best of it.

Well, we did it. We've up and moved from California. Cindy's retaining her job and working remotely, and I am unemployed looking for work. Currently I have three prospects. One is a local VW dealership, that also sells Audi and Porsche. Very nice place, great reputation. If I'm going to sell cars, that's where I want to do it. I'm also pursuing heavily an opportunity with Thrivent Financial for Lutherans. I'm setting up an interview with the other financial consultant here in Bellingham for next week. Finally, I also have an opportunity where Dupp works. A sales position just opened up that I definitely fit the bill for. I am continuing to look for opportunities, and I have faith that Cindy and I will be okay, despite the amount of credit card debt we've had to rack up for this move. The credit card debt stresses me out a little. We've been credit card debt free for a while now. But I still feel this was the right move. And I love our new place.

Dead Gentlemen Productions is turning a few new leaves with new projects in the works. We are finally getting to a point where several people are contributing content. We're not totally there yet, but we're definitely stepping in the right direction to spread out the workload. For years we've struggled to answer the question "What is a Dead Gentlemen Productions?" Does it have to be a comedy? Is it feature films? Is it only gaming related? Originally we had set out to be the next Monty Python, or at least our own incarnation of a similar group. Recently I had an epiphany about this question and I'm acting on it. A Dead Gentlemen Production is something that the Dead Gentlemen do together. Whatever it is. It's the group of people who work together that make it special, and it's special and it works because it's those people who are making it together. So rather than genre or whatnot, I've made that the center in determining what project to do, and why it should be done. I feel responsible for a lot of the rifts and disagreements with Ben and Matt because I didn't have this understanding before. I felt obligated to a certain genre, or catering to a particular audience. Both of those foci are incorrect if DGP is ever going to grow beyond their current successes, and I feel like I've alienated some people because of that. I just hope it's not too late. If it is, I think DGP will be looking for a new president. I don't want to run a company that doesn't include the people I want to work with. Kind of leads into my next Rum-ination: purpose.

I still struggle every day trying to find a sense of purpose. I just dug up some old journals of mine and reread them. I had such a strong sense of purpose a decade ago. Even 6 or 7 years ago. This time alone these past few weeks, up here by myself, settling in, sorting things out... it's been a good time for reflection. I've identified that I lack a cause nowadays. Cindy and I had strong causes back in college, just those few years just outside of college. But I think it's faded. Taken for granted unintentionally. We both chose to turn away from becoming ordained pastors because we wanted to be married to each other and not a congregation. I've sought out in some prayer if I or we should be thinking about seminary again, and I still don't feel pulled in that direction. I'm thankful that the church might have lost me as a pastor, but the gained Chris Ode. It's almost like we swapped lives or paths there at one point. Maybe I should ask him what he was going to do before he was called to ministry. :)

I know a few basic things I want out of life. I want to buy a house and plant some effing roots and stop moving every year. I have averaged a move once a year for the past 13 years. I'm sick of it. I also want to start having children in the next couple years. There, I said it.

Think I'll use my plane ride down to Burbank to do some goal setting and some objectives to reach those goals, with timelines. If you don't set goals, you'll never reach them.

Happy Holidays everyone. Merry Christmas. Think of us tomorrow as we make our drive back up to the PNW.

WinterAwesome Stew

Ingredients:

1 package beef stew meat

1 package ground Italian Sausage (spicy to your own taste, I chose Hot)

1 large chopped yellow onion

16 - 18 garlic cloves (about 12 chopped, the rest whole)

8 medium Yukon Gold potatoes, cubed

1 package button mushrooms, halved or quartered

1/3 cup bourbon... okay maybe 1/2 cup :)

32oz Beef Broth
1 package fresh basil

1 package fresh oregano

28oz can whole tomatoes

Salt

Pepper

3 tablespoons cooking oil or olive oil

Directions:

In a large stew pot, heat oil on high. Add chopped onions and chopped garlic and stir for 30-45 seconds or until slightly softened. Add potatoes and stir for about a minute. Salt and pepper the beef and add to the pot. Add ground pepper and salt to taste. Stir until beef is browned on all sides. Add ground Italian sausage. Stir until slightly browned (about 2-3 minutes). Stir in beef broth and tomatoes, crushing the whole tomatoes as you add them, and bring to a boil. Add bourbon and mushrooms, turn down heat, cover, and let simmer for 5 minutes. Chop half of the basil and add to the pot. Add the rest whole. Chop and add oregano to taste. (I used about half the package). Let simmer uncovered. Serve when you can't stand waiting anymore.

And so begins Chapter 5...

If you've been following Cindy and my Facebook pages, you probably already know the news. We're moving back to Bellingham! The decision came very quickly and unexpectedly, but it mainly boiled down to answering the question: What do we want out of life?

We can't seem to find the answer in LA. We came down here for a huge opportunity through my work. It was going to open a lot of doors, and I would be able to be regularly involved with the Industry. (Entertainment Industry, duh.) We already had Matt and Camille down here. At the time, it was the right decision. I was getting a significant pay raise. Cindy eventually found a really great job.

But we all know that the economy wasn't doing well. The writer's strike happened. Then the actor's negotiations, then really, nothing was happening in Hollywood. It spiraled out into every other industry in the area. It was like an earthquake with an epicenter in Hollywood. Everything was shaken up. Some businesses folded. Some shook off several of their employees in order to survive. Then, I got the shake.

Standing on ground zero, unemployed, none of my movie connections were hiring, and like so many other people like me, I asked: Now what? What am I now going to do with my life? For a career?

With a short stint of unemployment, I got hired with a VW dealership. Learned quickly about the cars, and started selling them. But it sucked up my life. The commute is terrible, and it seems no matter how successful I am in the car business, I still come home feeling empty.

More and more businesses leaving the State. Productions being shot in Arizona, Louisiana, New Mexico. Anyone in the biz is clamoring over the same positions. And movie distributors are struggling with their identity and business structure, asking how will we be profitable as technologies advance? How do we monetize these new things. Of course, that's if, and I mean IF, they even recognize the threat at all. A large number of distributors seem to be in a huge state of denial.

Production-wise, it seemed we Dead Gentlemen were doing it right the first time... we're just way better at it now, and know how to do more.

On top of all this, Cindy and I want to start on children soon. We asked the question, if we had the opportunity, where would we want to live to do that? Bellingham.

Suddenly, it's like the opportunity machine just turned on. With a leap of faith, we just decided to bite the bullet and make the commitment to moving there. And it is a leap of faith. Not everything is settled. But spiritually we feel pulled back there, we just know it's right. Somehow it will all work out. It's going to be tight. I don't even have employment yet. And there doesn't seem to be much in the way of it up there. But somehow God will provide.

And if confirmation was needed... Jeremy and Katy are having a baby and are making plans to move to the PNW. Matt's Journeyquest is getting off the ground. See his blog post here: The Quest Begins. Ben is up to his eyeballs in projects and opportunities. And I have finally received inspiration for my own project to develop.

Chapter 1: Growing up in Idaho
Chapter 2: The College Years at PLU in Tacoma
Chapter 3: Living and working in the PNW, from Bellingham to Tacoma
Chapter 4: The Big City - Los Angeles
Chapter 5: ??? buying a house and starting a family in Bellingham?

More...

More pictures from Germany on its way. Haven't had time to compile them.

We're also going to be doing "Best of" pics, and maybe a slideshow with music and either narration or captions to go along with it.

More Germany Pictures

Germany Photos... In Progress

In a fog bank...

Until I found my faith in God, I really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I remember in junior high I was looking at being a helicopter pilot. Sounded interesting. Seemed like everyone in my family wanted me to do "something with computers", whatever that meant, and so of course that's exactly what I didn't want to do. Once Faith became a part of my life, it wasn't long when I found a direction, the Calling.

At the time I interpreted that to be a Lutheran minister, and to be more specific, a missionary to Mormons. Ah, young and infantile faith... so judgmental. Well when Wisdom finally made clear that I was being a judgmental douchebag with that line of "mission", I pursued what it meant to be a "person of faith". That quest turned out to be much nobler, and guess what? I made a lot more friends that way too. And all through college, I had it easy. I was going to just go to seminary after I get my BA... and so I might as well study something that will put me leagues ahead of other seminarians when it comes to Biblical translation and Classical contexts: I would major in Classical Languages.

While I was studying Ancient Greek and Latin, that "ham" part of me came out again. What? Did I forget to mention that apparently I love to be the center of attention? Let me digress a bit: Goes back to when I was a little tyke, always smiling for the camera, hogging the limelight. I even would simulate playing in a rock band with cardboard instruments. I even filmed it. In high school, I discovered what I could do with a camcorder, shooting stuff and editing with 2 VCRs connected with RCA cables. In college I got a job with the TV services department, shooting plays and editing school events. I found myself in a group of friends who were actors, writers, creative thinkers, and mostly Lutheran. It was GREAT! I even decided to take a course called "Acting for the non-actor", which is pretty much me. The professor said I had a natural talent and I should try out for the next play. I got in! And it was so much fun.

I found myself totally enamored with acting, directing, putting stuff together... my friends and I even made a little video together when we had the time. I even got to be in front of the camera.

But this wasn't always the creative outlet I had. I used to draw. I wasn't too shabby with charcoal pencils. I used to play the clarinet, and a little bit of the sax...

But I've digressed long enough...


I started out talking about at one point I didn't know what to do with my life. Then I found something. I think I've ended that journey and I'm back feeling like I did in junior high. Why not ministry? What happened with that?
- When I was graduating college, the Church basically told me I couldn't go to seminary until I had less debt. THAT was NOT in the plans. Once that came to a screeching halt, and I had to figure out what to do next, Dead Gentlemen Productions gave me a purpose. I would strive to be a filmmaker. We proceeded to do some great stuff together. I accomplished some things I am very personally proud of. I did good. Also during that time, my home church pastor essentially got booted out of his congregation because the congregation just didn't get along or didn't agree with him... whatever it was, it was lame. Then, the pastor Cindy and I got attached to when we were living in Bellingham also basically got the boot, and I don't care what anyone says, her being a strong woman had a lot to do with it. She really inspired me, and to see the congregation turn on her like that really soured me. When Cindy left seminary to come and start our lives together, she brought with her another thing I hadn't really given much thought to: She left her path of becoming a Lutheran Pastor because she didn't want to be married to me and the church at the same time. That REALLY resonated with me, and still does.

Why not be a filmmaker? Afterall, I am living in Los Angeles now...
-Right now I have no personal inspiration. It's a bit like after I had directed Demon Hunters: Dead Camper Lake, and then had to move back to Idaho, and the guys went on to make The Gamers without me... It's a bit like that now. Not that I take it personally, I just don't have anything I'm inspired to do. Matt's all inspired now with his next awesome project.. which again feels like it did with The Gamers... meaning it's the next hit, the next project that's really going to propel him and anyone along with him, and there's really not a place for me. Not right now. It's not a "poor me" statement. I'm a car salesman. I work 6 days a week. I sleep on my day off...

Back up in the Pacific NorthWest, Ben is getting his big project off the ground too. Which is awesome and will be successful because there's so much positive energy behind it. I again don't really have the capacity to participate. So here I am supporting in the sidelines.

Again, this is all fine, but to turn myself around, I would need a project of my own to be inspired to do. When I moved back from Idaho to Tacoma, I had Revamping Doyle. Right now, I got nothing. And besides, having been down here, and seeing what it takes to be a filmmaker professionally, I don't really think it's what I want as a career. But I do love being in the director's chair, I do love coordinating and collaborating with a great crew and actors, hell I even like at times being the producer/"bossman" type on a project I really believe in, like The Gamers: Dorkness Rising. But I had time to do all that then.

The difference between then and now is that now I don't really have a project I'm personally inspired to do... Starting to feel pretty out of touch with the entertainment industry.

So I've built up my strengths through a variety of roles, jobs, and even career paths. They all culminate to this point. And as I look out into the landscape ahead of me, all I see is fog. All my friends seem far away. My family IS far away. I don't know which direction I'm going. And I don't yet have a reason to take a step forward... and by reason I mean a sense of purpose. A goal. An inspiration. I can always do a job to pay the bills. But I want to work to live, not live to work.

I used to write stanzas, I used to draw. I used to play an instrument. I used to act. I used to create videos. I used to have a radio show (forgot to mention that part). I used to game regularly. Ultimately I know I'm lacking a creative outlet.

Recently I had a conversation with one of my classics professors from college. He suggested I consider the foreign service or the CIA... seriously. It is an interesting time right now, and the idea of eventually becoming a diplomat sounds kind of inspiring. But I'm not quite in touch with what all this means yet, so I'm still doing my homework on this.

Either way, I feel a little isolated by my circumstances, and therefore I also feel like whatever direction I'm drifting towards, it might mean away from the people I've been so close to. That's more than terrifying, and a lot depressing.

I just try and remain open, and trust God to lead me. Send some positive energy my way, and maybe pray for me for some clarity and some inspiration. Thanks.