A New Dawn, err Don, err... what-the-F-ever

I am blessed with a wife who listens. When asked what I wanted for my birthday, I honestly couldn't think of anything other than spending time with my friends and family. We had talked about and tried to make plans to fly up to Seattle for my birthday, or specifically Bellingham, but we couldn't pull the finances together. Got a lot planned this year, and I'll be honest, I've been a bit liberal with the spending and the planning of the spending. Me? Right.

So you've all heard the story by now, but yeah, Cindy got Nathan and Jessica to fly down unbeknownst to me. It was fabulous. I really couldn't have gotten a better gift. I just wished there was a way to spend it with my family as well, but it's just a birthday. There are more to come. And, my friends are my surrogate family... but you know what I mean. And I just want to thank all of you who sent me a gift or a card. Thank you all for thinking of me, OH and those who posted on my MySpace. I'm really bad at responding but I got your birthday wishes and it means a lot.

I thought my body was reacting to some kind of subconscious anxiety about turning 30. So I attempted to face that anxiety and dig up some demons. What I did find, well I shared with you all in my last post. Odd thing though, my body hasn't really gotten better. My muscles are achey and tense and stiff, my stomach feels like it's all knotted up, and today my effing Rosacea or whatever skin thing I have has flared up again.

These are symptoms of anxiety for me. Yet, I cannot for the life of me figure out what the heck I'm anxious about. I don't feel emotionally anxious. In fact, I feel pretty blessed. I have my dream car. I live in sunny California. I really like my job. There's some great things happening with DG. My friend Paige just moved down. My house is awesome. Marriage seems fine and the dogs are happy. (I'll double check with Cindy about the marriage thing, but I'm pretty sure she'd have told me by now if something was up). What the crap do I have to be anxious about?

So I'm going to schedule an appointment tomorrow with the doctor and find out what the crap is going on and get a physical and all that. I just got one for the new life insurance we just bought, and everything checked out great. My cholesterol is great (better than Cindy's. ha!) Blood sugar seems fine, doesn't look like I'm on a path to diabetes or anything. I could certainly use more exercise, but couldn't we all.

I'll let you know how all that goes.

Today we went out with Paige down to Venice Beach. It was fun. Check Cindy's blog soon I'm sure she'll post some pictures. Oh yeah, maybe not. Our laptop has crashed. We called tech support and looks like we are still under warranty, so I'm running tests and it looks like the hardware is okay, just might need to reinstall the operating system or something. So Venice Beach was cool and we got to meet some friends of Camille and Matt's who live down there, Ben and Mary. You probably saw pictures of Mary on Cindy's blog when they went on that hike. Someday I'll get invited to one of those. Anyway we're all going roller skating tomorrow night with Ben and Mary and Paige and us. Again, I could use the exercise and hey, we're getting out! It's nice to have a friend like Paige who is a great instigator of getting out and doing something!

On the professional front, I have a trade show in Long Beach and a big sales meeting that coincides with it next week. Should be interesting. The trade show is for the aerospace industry I think, which I don't know much about so it will be a great learning experience. I've set some professional goals. By June 1st, my goal is to be making 10 calls a day. That's a seriously lofty goal, but I'm almost there. It just takes a lot of planning. Okay, so maybe that's a little high, but I'm shooting for 40-50 calls per week. Right now I'm about half that. I've picked up a few things in the past couple months though, and I think I can do it.

I'm also thinking about joining a gym. There's one just down the street from us. Need to find a partner to join with me though. I don't think Cindy and I would work out at the same time of day, otherwise that would be awesome. Wish me well on that.

T-Minus... Whatever

Well I didn't get very far on this list. I'll post what I have, in no particular order mind you. Here goes:

Mastered forklift driving in a cold storage

Graduated Cum Laude with a self-funded education

Learned Ancient Greek

Went to Scotland by myself and studied at the University of Glasgow for a semester

Co-starred in a play performed at the University of Glasgow

Learned to drink beer (in Scotland)

Woke up several mornings without my pants, and no recollection of how they came off

Woke up in an alcohol rehabilitation clinic in Inverness as apparently I was too drunk to walk.

Slept on the streets of Glasgow, blanketed by my leather trenchcoat. Yes, due to more drunkenness.

Kissed a Greek/Argentine girl

Woke up with a Greek/German girl in my bed one morning, discovered we were both clothed and I was still a virgin.

Stood on the shore of the edge of infinity with my friends at 3am in Tacoma

Watched two of my spiritual mentors and pastors get ousted from their congregations

In my application process to go into the ministry, was told by the church that I had too much debt and to come back when I had less

Decided not to become an ordained minister until God says otherwise

Helped found an independent film company called Dead Gentlemen Productions (DG)

Directed and produced a feature digital movie

Helped create one of DG’s most memorable characters, Silent Jim

Filmed a demon resurrection ritual being performed on an actual alter

Kissed my best friend between takes of said ritual

Produced and managed Dead Gentlemen’s biggest film yet, “The Gamers: Dorkness Rising”

Was appointed Manager of Dead Gentlemen Productions

Operated Dead Gentlemen Productions’ online commerce

Initiated, negotiated and closed a distribution deal with the largest gaming publisher in the nation.

Made friends with the largest names in the hobby game industry

Played D&D regularly with the designers and writers of D&D

Married my best friend

Learned the marine industry from scratch

Became a professional in the fiberglass industry with no formal training

Managed a facility and employees

Promoted, moved to Los Angeles, and then promoted again

Graduated with the championship award from my sales training class

Bought my dream car

Contracted salmonella. Twice.

So far, can’t name one enemy.

Lived on friends’ couches for about 6 months

Was propositioned by 7 hookers in one night

Negotiated and facilitated a role playing game based on DG’s first films, Demon Hunters

Had lunch with Kate Blanchett and her family

Met and hung out with Ken Foree, star of the original Dawn of the Dead

Can call several designers and writers for Dungeons and Dragons (past, present or otherwise) close personal friends.

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Well, now I'm starting to feel like I'm boasting. I can say though that after all this time and all that has happened:

• My wife is still my bestest friend
• My friends are my family
• My family are my best friends (that's literal by the way)
• My grandfather is still my hero
• My regrets don't matter
• Next to my wife, my sister, my mother and my grandmother are the most amazing and strongest women in my life
• God still believes in me
• I love my job
• I'm ready for what's next and I'm planning for it

A slight departure for a second. One of my highschool peers died this past week. Quite the athlete. Took care of himself, stayed active, had a very active spiritual life in the Church of Latter Day Saints, and yet a rare cancer came up and that was that. Rendell Wilkinson. He was one of the popular guys in high school. Really well liked. I can't say I knew him well though. Yet his death has made me realize that deep down, I guess that dumb fear of approaching your own time is affecting me. I don't know that I'm actually fearing it, as I am feeling it getting closer, my time that is.

So in order to dispel all that, I'm going to print here for all the world to see what I haven't told many people. Of course my thought is that by recognizing it, then it won't actually happen because I'm consciously and reasonably presenting to everyone who would read this and hold it accountable.

For more than half my life, I've held some kind of belief that my life will end in some kind of explosion/combustion/ball of fire, before I'm 40 years old. This belief started when I had three separate and different dreams where I died in some kind of explosion, and I remember those dreams to this day, and I remember feeling the explosion.

There, I've said it, I've PRINTED it, and I can't take it back. So here's to outliving my life insurance policy, and to seeing just exactly how long I can stretch both sides of my family's longevity. Unfortunately, my teeth regardless do not hold the same life expectancy. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Yes, that's a pun.

F this S in the A. I'm going to bed. Godspeed, and don't get run over.