Thursday, October 28, 2010

Complacent, or Contentment?

I've been struggling with an odd sensation lately... an absence of ambition. One might think depression or anxiety goes with that, but for me, I'm neither depressed nor fidgety (well apart from my normal bouncing knees when I sit). I discovered this as I tried to set some goals that would motivate me. And I found that I think I pretty much have everything I want out of life.
  • Happily married
  • I love where I live
  • I like my career
  • I have great friends and family
  • I have a car that I love
  • I game regularly
  • ...
Sure there are things I'd like to have, but I've just noticed a kind of lack of passion. The things that used to drive me don't anymore. I'm not unhappy about it, it's actually kind of peaceful.

I feel like something's wrong. Something's missing and I don't know what it is. I'm strangely comfortable and content. Maybe it's complacency?

Camille helped me see that I really haven't done anything truly creative (apart from gaming) since we moved to LA. So yeah, no creative movement probably suggests the lack of a particular passion. But you can't just force that, decide to be passionate about something, or create something when you're not really inspired and you're basically okay with that.

Except I guess I'm not because I'm writing about it, and questioning it. It's just the first time in my life I look around and go, you know, things are pretty great. But I'm only 32, that can't mean I'm done. I got a LONG ways to go.

Help me out folks, what do you think?