There are times when I find myself on one of the polar sides of a sharply divided issue, and I cannot get past how the other view point can even exist. I find the viewpoint SO damaging and the other side SO dug in that I cannot see a way forward besides exclusion. I go into amputation mode. Cut off the other side, heal from the consequences of that and move on.
I recognize this is not sustainable for two reasons:
- I may be the side that is wrong, at least in part, and have been unwilling to entertain new information from the other viewpoint to update my position.
- Eventually I'm going to run out of things to cut off (continuing the metaphor). It's a form of running away, which sometimes you should absolutely do. I am sure MANY of those times you think you should is probably not right move.
The issues that affect me this way are issues that dehumanize others, and issues that have a higher risk or actually cause damage and/or death. Things like:
- Racism, the fight for racial justice and equality
- Anti COVID Vaccine/Antivax
- Belief in conspiracy theories like QAnon
- Transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, etc.
- Radicalized religious fanaticism that dehumanizes.
- Climate change.
I shut down. I can't even with these things. The pandemic of misinformation fans these flames and I feel helpless to stop it. If we don't confront the issues effectively they will never stop growing. People need the opportunity to change their mind and heal. Is there a line where the opposing belief is so extreme that it is not worth the effort to try and change?
- Nazi's/Alt Right
- Trump Supporters
- Antivaxxers
- Men's Rights Activists (or whatever they're called now)
People who hold my position are losing family and friends, probably irreparably, and many of use can feel like that cost is worth the price in the long term. That idea deeply saddens me, no matter how satisfyingly righteous it may feel.
It seems like the answer is a commitment to relentless confrontation with the intent of not making enemies. That. Sounds. Exhausting. Is THAT worth it? Should we never give up?
I have to believe there is a way through this. Life on this planet's very existence literally depends on it. Can you imagine? The fate of the habitability for life on this planet rests in the ability to change the minds of groups of humans to the point that they change or reverse course?
We live in the WORST time to be divided over the important issues we are divided over.
- Now more than ever we need a critical majority of global support to reverse climate change.
- Now more than ever we need a critical majority of all people children ages 12 and over to get the COVID vaccine.
- Now more than ever we need a critical global commitment to deal with the epidemic of misinformation.
All of this is on top of stopping the disease of racism, transphobia and all of the accompanying gender phobias and hate.
Humanity does have excellent examples of how to accomplish this. We do have mentors we can learn from and skills we can develop. I discovered a channel on YouTube that does a great job of at least breaking things down in the goal of making people better communicators. Below are a few that made me really stop and think, and even write this post.
Additionally I these are helping me get perspective:
One thing I am gleaning from a lot of the advice on how to talk with people about these kinds of things is that maybe I really am NOT the person to be having these conversations with particular people. On the one hand I find that a relief for obvious reasons but on the other, what then can I do? Maybe help find a more effective person, a more trusted person who might be able to get through?
In either case I know I am on the right path here, because I am very uncomfortable. I think that's a healthy place to be.
