Day 4

On Monday I decided to put off looking for work or even thinking about it until next week. So far, that's working for me. I'm still waking up with a knot in my gut though. The brochure they gave me on "how to survive a lay off" says I'm grieving. I'd say that's pretty accurate. Sure feels like a breakup after a 5 year relationship.

They laid me off. I have it in writing. So at least I can say it wasn't my fault. The brochure says it's natural if I feel anger. Not sure if I feel anger. Think I'm hurt that they didn't even consult with me before they dropped the axe. But that's how it happens, and that's business. I guess relationship doesn't count at the end of the day on Friday.

I almost fought for my job when it happened. I didn't because I had nothing to stand on. If you know my situation, you might disagree with me, or feel that I was betrayed. Unfortunately I cannot say that they did betray me. Here's why:

Yes they uprooted Cindy and me and moved us to Southern California. But it was the Operations Manager at the time that negotiated my pay with me. It was later discovered that the OM didn't consult the Owner about that, and so the Owner got stuck with it. I had successfully negotiated the top pay I could get because it was going to cost so much to move down and Cindy's employment was not set in stone yet. A few months after I moved down, the Owner let the Operations Manager go.

I kicked ass at my job, running the facility in Van Nuys. I was proud of what I did. The 4am mornings really sucked though. But I made it through, I owned all the responsibilities there, and I grew the sales of the house accounts by a lot in those months, even DOUBLING the budget they had set. TWICE. And part of the pay I negotiated with the former Ops Manager was that I would get a similar bonus pay structure as the salesmen because they wanted to grow the business with the house accounts a lot. The Owner was shocked, and I had to prove it to him in writing, which luckily I had.

That made me the highest paid manager in the company apparently. I had no idea. So months after working in SoCal, upper management had decided I needed to move into the field as a salesman in order to justify my pay. Of course it was pitched to me as "We believer there is a lot of business out there that the two salesmen who have been in your territory for ten years aren't calling on. Your mandate is to identify and get that business. Go!"

This time it was the Sales Manager who negotiated my pay. I got to keep my base pay, and then got the standard seller's package. Which is a sweet deal I might add. But before I accepted the position, because I could see the writing on the wall, I asked the Sales Manager, "What happens if I don't find the numbers you think are out there? If I'm busting my butt and doing the work, are you going to let me go?" And he said that they wouldn't let me go if the market didn't support me. That they would give it 2 years and if it didn't work out, they'd find a different place for me in the company.

So I set out to do my new job with practically no guidance and little training. I had some great support from the other salesmen, who knew what kind of position I was in. And none of them thought it was very fair. But I took the challenge.

Then, a few months later, the Sales Manager stabbed the company in the back and decided to leave and compete against us by buying another company. He'd known the Owner for I think over 17 years. They'd been family friends. You want to talk about betrayal. THAT'S betrayal. And again, I think that second part of my arrangement with the Company about what if the market doesn't support me, didn't get communicated with the Owner. And so here I am, a result of what I feared the most when I took the job.

Am I a victim? No. I knew the risks. I'm proud of the work I did. The Owner may have known about my arrangement with the Sales Manager, and even if he did, in light of the strategic decision they made to cut 20% of the workforce at the company, I would not have mattered. The truth is, the company was hemorraging. I know it's not personal. Hell, they let go someone who'd been there way longer than me. But you just want to think that maybe you'd be that special case, where they try and make it work because of your relationship.

Business is business and it doesn't succeed by making acceptions based on relationships if it doesn't directly affect the immediate needs of saving the ship if the ship is sinking.

So what's next?

Unemployed

Well the day of the axe finally came. This morning I was laid off. Quite a few people at our company got the same. Trying to cut back, going into survival mode. Really too bad I had to be a casualty of it.

I'm okay though. We're okay. I'm going to take a few days, sort myself out. Having to pursue a new career is awfully overwhelming. I have no idea where to begin yet. I don't have any clue what to start looking for. So I'm going to try and forget about it for a few days, and just sort it out.

Financially we're stable. So no worries there. We were saving for a house, and after my last paycheck, including vacation and my final bonus, we're up to $10k in savings. So now we have that 3.5% down payment... too bad that solid employment is now flushed.

I think that's what has gotten to me most. I was so looking forward to buying a house this year.
Well, I'm sucking it up and realizing that hope will just have to wait a while.

Here's to seeing what happens on my path next.

Bridgette kicked my ass, literally

Cindy and I just worked out to Bridgette's Bunny Bootcamp. It's 15 minutes of yeah right... oh wait oh my god that's hard... oh hell!

Then we did my back exercises I learned from my physical therapy a couple years ago. I'm now feeling light headed, and way wussy.

Bacon, coffee, and a lawn mower.

This morning, I don't know what time it was, I was awakened by the incredible smell of bacon and coffee. It reminded me of waking up in Garden Valley at the cabin, the smell of coffee and breakfast downstairs. The excitement of spending time with my family in the morning. I almost thought if I got out of bed, there everyone would be. But sleep came over me and I drifted back off.

I dreamed about dad. It was supposed to be his shop, but it clearly wasn't. I was helping him run the business. I don't remember much else. When I was awakened, this time by the scream of a lawnmower directly outside my bedroom window, my first thought was to call him and see how he was doing. When I fully woke up and realized where I was, and that he was gone, instead of being sad I just felt peaceful.

Turns out Cindy had made bacon (turkey bacon for those of you who are counting calories). Oddly enough there was no coffee, and she was watching The Bucket List. Wonder if the sounds of the movie influenced my dreaming subliminally.

So I came out in the living room, made some coffee and started to watch the movie. So I'm feeling sentimental this morning. I'm thankful that Nathan has moved down here. I think I see him more now that I ever have since we graduated. I'm thankful for Matt and Camille. When you don't have family nearby, it's really great to have a family unit in friends you've known for over 10 years. I'm thankful for Jeremy and Katy. Although we've known them for just over a year, it's like they've always been there. I'm thankful for Matt DeMille and Jessica. I definitely don't see them as much as I'd like, but I'm so proud of Matt for making the jump and coming down here and take on AFI like a Hulk Hogan comeback.

Go with me on that analogy, it makes sense to me. Matt's like the big brother I never had. I'm really proud of him.

Thanksgiving is coming up, and the Vancil's are hosting. Camille said she wasn't comfortable cooking a whole turkey. She'd never done it, and I wasn't about to let Thanksgiving go without a turkey. So I volunteered to cook the turkey. I'm looking forward to it actually. Cindy's a little upset. I think she was looking forward to someone else taking on the main course. I think she'll come around when she smells the awesome cooking in the oven all night. So Grandma, I'm gonna need your stuffing recipe, and a refresher on the turkey. I recall cooking a turkey before, but I don't remember exactly when it was. But I know I can do it, and I want to make it the way we have it at our house.

I'm also going to make a surprise. Not saying what it is right now, but it will be fun to make.

All this makes me come back to reality and think about what is really important to me in my life. Matt and Camille are going through a similar reflection right now. They're making some decisions, prioritizing what they want in their life, which also boils down to family. They've made it no secret that they want to start having children very soon. Must be the season, just thinking about family priorities. I've been reflecting on the idea of children. There's even a part of me that wants me to beat Matt and Camille to the punch. It'd be the last thing anyone expected. But the reality is, even though Cindy and I are financially pretty stable (for now), this morning's wakeup call with my neighbor mowing the lawn right outside my bedroom window, and hearing him walking around the outside of my house... well it reminds me that this is not the place I want to start a family. The lack of privacy makes me uneasy, and that's not the kind of energy I want my children to be born into. Of course, those are surface reasons and we have deeper reasons for waiting. Like... a home we can call ours.

So Vancils, go for it. You were the first of us to get married, it only stands to reason you'd be the first to shell out some offspring. Your kids are gonna have crap loads of aunts and uncles.

Guess I'm running out of steam. Looking forward to spending Christmas with the Messlers. I miss my family in Idaho and North Carolina, and I hope next year we can get together somehow.

Everyone stay well. I love you all.

San Fernando Fires

Hey everyone,

We're doing fine down here. The fires so far are missing us. I'll keep you informed.

Here's a map of where the fires are:

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&t=p&layer=t&msa=0&msid=117631292961056724014.00045925b0aa1b3a5d6a4&ll=34.292112,-118.476562&spn=0.19146,0.304184&z=12

Yearbook

1952

So I found this website, (Thanks Rian), where you can upload your photo and it will make you a yearbook photo from the past.

Check out mine. Think I have a photo that's pretty close to the 1988 one.

1954


1956

1966

1968

1970

1974

1978

1978 (I had 2 looks going on that year)

1980 (The Wolverine Year)

1984

1986

1988 (I actually had a hair style like that once)

I am a bobblehead geek

So was recently on a podcast to promote Dorkness Rising and the Demon Hunters Roleplaying Game.

You can check out the video here: www.geekscape.net

or

Bobblehead Don

I learned that I nod my head. A lot.

And "absolutely" seems to be a fallback word of mine. Sigh. Well, things to work on I guess.

Enjoy.