So I'm grieving. I have the luxury of sitting in it for a bit and I'm taking advantage of that. I don't want to think about the next step. I get overwhelmed.
What a stupid excuse.
Truth is, I could nail the job process if I really wanted to. I'm choosing not to because I am definitely taking this as a ME vacation, and I feel that I deserve it. As long as I do domestic duties, accomplish a few things, I think that works.
But I do feel overwhelmed. I can't really deny that. When I do start tackling the next step (which will be soon), I know it's going to be tough.
The mornings are the most difficult. I can't sleep in. With Cindy getting up to go to work, I get a screaming hairdryer in my ear. But I used to get up at that time too. I had a purpose. I had things to do. People to go see. Problems to help solve. Now, I lay there next to the screaming hairdryer and wonder what the crap am I going to do today.
Well today I guess I decided to blog. Maybe I'll try and clean the office a bit. Take the dogs for a walk.
Men really are defined by what they do. What they accomplish. What they can say about themselves. At least that's how we define ourselves. Where we derive a large part of our self esteem. I think more than any other time I realize how connected I am to that. It's like retirement. I think men struggle with it more than women. We don't know what to DO with ourselves. Can't do what we used to. For whatever reason. We feel like we should be doing SOMETHING.
So, I'm going to go do something.