Sunday, July 19, 2009

Standing in a sink hole

There is a lot out of whack in my life. I just read some ramblings from my good friend Kevin on his blog about living a balanced life. Kevin and I have shared similar life philosophies about work and play, relationships, etc. My grandfather has said a couple things that I think sum it up pretty well:

1. Most people work 5 days a week. If you have to, you work 6. If you can't do it in 6, you're not going to do it in 7, so you might as well take a day off.

I've mentioned this next one before:

2. Friends are the currency of life, and I always considered myself a rich man.

And in general, no specific saying here, but something about you might not have a tomorrow, so don't forget to live a little right now.

Well right now I have a serious imbalance in my life. I'm working too much, doing something I don't feel too much reward for doing. I've mentioned before that whatever I do for a career, I just want to make a difference in people's lives, as well as my own. For the better of course.

It's no wonder I was drawn to being a pastor when I was in high school and college. Sure I've thought about trying that path again, but after watching two of my mentors being ousted from their congregations, I think it's caused some serious trust issues with me. Now when I go to a congregation, I always feel like "now what responsibilities are they going to rope me in for?"

Used to be that I would get something out of serving. Being in sales now, however, it's all I do. So it all just feels like more work. Taking out of me, not giving back. And I don't seem to really get much out of church services any more. I don't sing and I don't enjoy singing as a form of worship, which is a draw for most people who go to church. If it were me, it'd go Confession and Absolution, Prayer of the Day, First & Second Lesson and Gospel, Homily, Communion, Offering, Benediction. Boom. Done.

Ramblings of my own I guess.

I wish I had more time to game. I wish my days off weren't all needing to be spent sleeping and catching up on laundry. I hate reading about the great things my wife and friends are doing on the weekend without me, and not being there with them.

My friend Chris Duppenthaler once asked me, "Don, if there was one thing you could make a living at doing, what would it be?"

I still don't have an answer.

He asked another one once, "If you could something of your choice, what would you sell?"

Still I got nothing.

And that's about where I am. Spiritual life is pretty dry. Personal life is pretty dry. Professional life is pretty dry. I feel like I'm missing out on something. I also feel like my career is right in front of me and I can't seem to see it.


Kristy said...

I feel for you. I've been there before...both the dry moments and the "what am I supposed to do?" moments. It seems good to me that you feel like it's right there before you, but you just can't see it. That sounds very hopeful to me. There's no question that you are gifted and talented and have many marketable skills. That can sometimes make the discernment process all the more maddening. Maybe you can start asking everyone you meet what they do and why they like or don't like what they do. Or, instead, ask them Chris' question about "if you could do anything..." since not everyone is doing what they want to be doing. Or maybe you can do some informational interviews or job shadowing to help get a better feel for some things that are out there that might sound interesting but you aren't quite sure about yet. For me, I always felt I was limited by "what I know" part of the process was trying to become exposed to some of the things that were out there that I didn't yet know about.

Mary said...

I've been there too. Have you ever thought about becoming a teacher? The time off is wonderful and the job is very rewarding. The only real requirement is that you like kids-of any age. Just throwing it out there. I don't like selling anything either-but w/education I'm selling something intangible but VERY useful and sometimes life changing. My two cents...

Katy said...

It sounds like the larger issue isn't "what should you do," but "who are you," and that your job/life/etc is keeping you disconnected from who you really want to be. Chris' questions were pretty right on, and it seems like a good place to start. If you are connected to who you are and who you want to be, it can be easier to mould your work into your personal needs.

Just an observation. I haven't got much to say on how to get to that place, since its different for everyone. Also, I got a huge jumpstart on this personally from taking the Landmark Forum, but they're just a turbo boost for the process.

The Irishman said...

AMEN! As long as I have known you, you have been guided by something strong and balanced inside you. You will find it. Take care my friend.


Jenny said...

It's a rough one, and it's hard when you spend a lot of time doing something that isn't very rewarding. Even if you hate it right now, you are providing for your family. Forgive for how trite that sounds in writing, but it comes from a very sincere and loving place. :) You have much to give, and we are blessed to have you in our lives. And in a small way, the people who buy a car from you are blessed to have such an honorable person helping them.